February 21st, 2007

Time: 10:48 am

I don't want anyone else to get the chance to see how truly amazing you are.

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June 22nd, 2006

Time: 01:52 pm

it's my birthday and im in a sucky sucky mood...this blows.

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June 1st, 2006

Subject: JUNE Time: 06:17 am

its june!!!! im 19 in 21 days yay.

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January 11th, 2006

Time: 03:32 am

chile is GORGEOUS!!!

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December 19th, 2005

Subject: =) Time: 12:44 pm

go see RENT it will blow your mind!!!!!

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May 10th, 2005

mood: drained Subject: shoow Time: 08:44 pm

My synchro show is on May 27th at 7pm. Tickets are $5 so if youve never seen me swim, or would like to see my last performance eeeeeeeverrrrrrr COME :) if you can that is. let me know

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April 11th, 2005

Time: 03:05 pm

1) Copy this list into your journal. 2) Bold what is true. 3) Leave plain what is false. 4) Add something at the end. 001. I miss someone right now. 002. I watch more TV this year than last year. 003. I love olives. 004. I love sleeping. 005. I own a home. 006. I wear glasses or contact lenses. 007. I love to play video games. 008. I have done something illegal. 009. I have watched porn movies. 010. I have been in a threesome. 011. I have been the "psycho ex" in a past relationship. 012. I like my handwriting. 013. I have acne-free skin. 014. I curse frequently. 015. I have changed a lot over the past year. 016. I have a hobby. 017. I have been to another country. 018. I carry a weapon with me everywhere I go. 019. I have been told that I am very smart. 020. I have broken a bone. ( Read more... )

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January 23rd, 2005

Subject: my shit is now Time: 11:44 am music: Addicted-Kelly Clarkson

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November 7th, 2004

mood: annoyed Time: 06:26 pm music: Surrender- ashlee simpson

how long am i gonna have to wait? im so tired of watching sappy romantic comedies that leave me in a bad mood for the rest of the night.its never gonna happen, it happens to other people but not me. prince charming my ass. happiness is not supposed to be earned, its supposed to be spontaneous..its supposed to be worth the wait, but it seems like every time i get even a little bit of happiness in my system its yanked out in a new york minute. i would just like to give a very big FUCK U to all the people who have everything in the world and stil consider themselves to be unhappy. anyone wanna trade lives?

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Time: 12:33 pm

Once there was this girl way back when she had to learn how to grow up while living in a war she called her home. never knowing where to turn for shelter from the horrid storm. hearing all the yelling she would cry lonely in her room hoping everything would be over soon. bruises fade father but the pain remains the same i still remember how you kept me so afraid found strength in the others who told me you would pay every morning feels the same and i look back to yesterday and i am okay and someday you will pay as i look back to yesterday its your fault that im afraid and you will pay....

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November 4th, 2004

mood: excited Subject: me in a nutshell Time: 03:52 pm

I'm so tired and so vain, Always resting on someones pain. Never caring, always right, Wondering how I'll live through tonight. I'm so childish, insecure Sometimes greedy and so much more. Never trusting, feeding lies Hopelessly living for his eyes. the OC premier is tonight..how excited am i? VERY =) and tmw is friday, so woooo FUCKING hoooo

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November 1st, 2004

mood: okay Time: 04:54 pm music: complete silence

for her birthday you gave her a framed picture of yourself that she kept on the stool by her bed. she told you it was the best present she had ever gotten. you were so happy. you had fights, little ones here and there, but nothing major. she came over every day after school, she helped you with your homework, even though you really didnt need any. sometimes you even pretended to be stupider then you were, she never caught on. she was so naive about everything, so innocent and you loved that about her. when your friends invited you to parties you brought her along, when your grandfather died she was by your side. she cried right along with you at his funeral and drove your old honda back to the reception because you were too upset to drive. you would call eachother early monday morning to make sure the other one was awake. you picked her up at 8 and she never minded the noise your car made while driving down the narrow suburb streets. at school everyone thought you were the IT couple, destined to be together forever. on valentines day you decided to surprise her, it was a saturday and you drove up to her house with flowers and rang the dorbell. you knew she'd be happy to see you. no one answered so you pushed the door open. there before you was an empty house, there were no chairs, no couches, everything was gone. there was no note, no address, no nothing. you ran up to her room it was all empty except for a broken picture frame lying on the ground, you came up and looked closer, it was the picture of you, lying shamelessly on the floor. that night you went home and shot yourself through the head with the gun your father had bought just last week. the day of your funeral was dark and miserable. on that day, she wasn't the one standing near your grave remembering your smile, she wasn't the one consoling your parents. she wasn't there at all, but i was.

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October 30th, 2004

mood: muy cansado Subject: omgggggg Time: 10:04 am music: in my head

Synchro is taking over my life, being assistant coach is HARD WORK....and tatiana says i 'cant' have my graduation on the 5th because thats the day of an important meet. IS SHE NUTS i have GOT to graduate, so many ppl have let the team down before, big team and we've pulled through, i think its finally my turn , ive been the "good example" the one ALWAYS on time, always there, always ready to work..( as she so kindly wrote in my recommendation) so please just gimme a break, let me GRADUATE fuckin H.S and get a diploma while missing one little insignificant meet out of the 1000000 ones ive been too these past eight years. good news is im going to wheaton nov 13-14th n sleeping over megans dorm( shes a girl on the wheaton synchro team) THAT im excited about :) yay wheaton. bad news is i cant go to the parade today :( and i really wanna...BUT BUT: THE RED SOX R COMMING TO MYYYYYYY SCHOOL..HAHA and not to URS! theo epstein (manager of the R.S) graduated BHS and hes bringing himself and a few of this 'friends' to our R.S tribute/parade thing at the h.s next week. IM PUMPED -mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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October 28th, 2004

mood: moody Subject: i want.. Time: 09:08 pm

-someone to fall in love with me -to fall in love with someone -to get into college -to have enough money to pay for it -to be able to understand the ppl at school -for them to be able to understand me -a new prospective on things -a new prospective on my life -for summer to arrive..and soon -for my mood to change..like now hotet ne vredno vredno ne hotet imet ne vredno vredno ne imet

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October 27th, 2004

mood: tiiiiiredddd Subject: its because im bored Time: 09:47 am

In the middle of a free ..w/ nothing to do..mUST keep myself entertained [sorry!] A is for Age: 17 B is for Boyfriend(Girlfriend): n/a C is for Career(in future): Physical Therapist D is for Dad's name:Boris :) E is for Essential item to bring to a party: cell phone lol F is for Favorite song at the moment: somebody told me-the killers H is for Hometown: St Petersburg Russia is where i was born, but now i happily reside in BROOKLINE haha I is for Instruments you play: noone J is for Job title: Lab Aide K is for Kids names in the future: Kathrine (katie, kat, katya) and Andrew (Andrei) or Nathan L is for Living arrangement: with my parents M is for Mom's name: irina N is for Number of people you've slept with: that would be a big fat 0 :) O is for Overnight hospital stays: another big fat 0..thank god Q is for Quixotic(extravagantly romantic, impractical): a what wwhat now? R is for Relationship that lasted the longest: ummmm Stan, but my relationships tend to be relatively short. T is for Time you wake up: 7:40 U is for Unique traits: i'm not too unique i guess..i can tread water for hours, stay underwater for minutes at a time and stand upside down without touching the floor.... V is for Vegetable you love: pepper W is for Worst habit: being lazy about everything X is for X-rays done: teeth...so like once every year or so Y is for Yummy food you make: oliv'e, wraps, baked potatoes..yahhh Z is for Zodiac sign: Cancer- 69 ----- Stereotypes I would hate to turn into: a money grubbing whore A Soccer Mom who lives through her children a rich buisness woman who thinks shes on top of the world A girl who has no personality unless shes dating someone a cheerleader with long blond hair that fucks every football player she seeys a nerd who has no life someone who wears only polo and abercrombie n fitch because ITS COOL a video gamer overly emotional drama queen sex icon a goody toshoes a superficial and a fake (insert identity group) member: punk emo goth prep jock suicidal-depressed freak wimp "faggot" queer

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October 26th, 2004

mood: cold Time: 03:50 pm music: silence

1. WHATS ON YOUR MIND NOW? the fact that i have two days to do a 20 page Anatomy packet 2. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the killers 3. COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE: THE WORLD NEEDS: less bitches 4. MODEL OF YOUR CELLPHONE? Samsung VAG1000 ;) 5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cheese 6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? red, like FIIIRE 7. WHAT DO YOU DO DURING YOUR CHILL TIME? CHILL duh..haha 8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? joe 9. THE FIRST THING YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU SEE THE OPPOSITE SEX? i hate ufuckers 10. AUTO OR MANUAL CAR? i like manual but drive an auto 11. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? june 22nd 12. FAVORITE PLACE? the moon 13. FAVORITE SPORTS? synchro 14. DO U WEAR CONTACTS? no 15. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES? Regina, 12 16. THE COOLEST WAY YOU HAVE TO RELEASE PRESSURE? sleep 17. THINGS I HATE MOST? Girls that im not friends with, my high school, work, being annoyed, polo shirts, stupidity, arrogance, the law. 18. WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING A GIRL/ BOY? the fact that i dont have a dick. 19. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY? Happy. 20. MY BEST FRIENDS ARE: ella/lena 21. CHOCOLATES OR FLOWERS? diamonds 22. WHEN IM STUCK IN A JAM ...i yell 23. Text OR CALL call 24. IF YOU COULD TURN BACK TIME,WOULD YOU.. no 25. IN YOUR WALLET, YOU HAVE? money... 26. WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER? darkness 27. FAVORITE BOARD GAME/s? i dont do that shit yo 28. FAVORITE SMELLS? armani cologne 29. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU THINK OF BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP? life sucks 30. THINGS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT: my comp..most def 31. YOUR FAVOURITE QUOTE?? "suck this" haha..no not really, i just cant think of anything else..

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October 24th, 2004

mood: occupied Subject: i'm gonna die in college Time: 01:52 pm music: white houses-vanessa carlton

hw is a biiiiitch -2 english papers-monday -2 anatomy projects-tues/thur anatomy paper-thur anatomy quiz-tues chem test-monday chem lab due-monday stats project-friday spanish paper-monday this is gonna be the week from HELL anatomy on its own is wayyyy to much work someone tell my teachers too DIE!!

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October 23rd, 2004

mood: confused Subject: fuuuuuck Time: 12:04 pm music: gwen stefani-what are you waiting for

not only do I not have a cell phone, i dont even have a life.. im gonna stay home and do homework for the rest of my life [w/o a phone] fuck

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October 22nd, 2004

Subject: hmmm..yah Time: 10:24 pm

i wanna be invisible for a day and hear all the CRAP ppl have to say about ME for a change.i want to know everything...but if i think about it, i already do. im so tired.....

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October 20th, 2004

mood: blank Subject: im just blllllllah and so is everyone around me.... Time: 08:11 pm music: the killers-somebody told me

Standing with everyone, you do what they all do, You talk and agree but you still have no clue Your smile's like a mask just for us to see, but it's getting hotter inside and it's getting hard to breathe. Yesterday you're something, you're something that you're not, Yesterday you're something, you're something that you're not, Today you're something, you're something that you're not, You're hard to figure out you're hard to figure out, Are you who you said - well i can't tell, i can't tell... Are you real with me - well i can't tell at all. (Is that what you're like or are you just scared?) Where did you get that off the tv or a trend? Who are you trying to be like, like an actor or a band? I liked you much better when you just didn't care Didn't care about how you were acting or what you had to wear, One day you put down something the next day it's who you are... You get so caught up in their crap you'll try anything when you're the star... How can they change you so quickly you are led... Am i talking to you or is who i know dead? as i write my mom is sitting in my english class at parents night, i hope nothing goes wrong..i hope she doesnt talk to any of my teachers and it doesnt turn into something along the lines of : "how is marina doing?" "shes doing pretty well" "well what can she do to IMPROVE" i mean commmmmmme on! im gonna go pick her up around 9 and hopefully there wont be any bad news... hmm

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